Britain Gave Brexit a Google Review. Nowhere Gave It More Than Three Stars.

Nowhere loved it. Nowhere hated it. Everywhere was disappointed.

There are no five-star destinations on this particular tour of Britain. All 108 published area ratings fall between 1.5 and 3.0 stars.

Ninety-five per cent of areas rated Brexit at 2.5 stars or below. Forty-eight per cent gave it no more than two.

These are area averages, rounded to the nearest half star, so they won't capture every enthusiastic supporter or furious critic. People with very different views can live in the same place and produce a middling score between them.

Even with that qualification, the lack of a highly rated area is striking. The most favourable places in the study managed three stars: respectable enough for a motorway stopover, perhaps, but hardly a glowing endorsement.

England rates Brexit highest. Northern Ireland rates it lowest.

England recorded the highest reported nation score, at 2.4 stars. Wales followed at 2.3, Scotland at 2.0 and Northern Ireland at 1.8.

All five areas with a three-star rating were in England. No area in the other three nations reached that mark.

In Scotland, 28 of the 32 council areas scored two stars or less. The exceptions were Moray, the Scottish Borders, Dumfries and Galloway, and Shetland, each at 2.5.

Northern Ireland had the lowest nation score, with three of its six reported areas at 1.5 stars. Wales sat closer to England overall, although Carmarthenshire, Swansea and the Isle of Anglesey each returned a two-star rating.

The differences give the study a regional story, but the upper limit is the same throughout: even the warmest reviews were fairly restrained.

The five areas that rated it highest — and the fifteen that rated it lowest

East Riding of Yorkshire, Essex, Isle of Wight, Lincolnshire and Staffordshire shared the highest published score: three stars.

At the other end, 15 areas gave Brexit one and a half.

The local detail is useful because a national average can only tell part of the story. Someone in Essex and someone in Edinburgh may recognise very different experiences behind their area's score.

What we can't infer is how individual Leave or Remain voters answered. An area's rating doesn't tell us whether its residents have changed their minds, or whether today's critics supported Brexit in the first place. That would require a separate breakdown by referendum vote.

For now, the finding is straightforward: five areas reached three stars, and none went higher.

More people want Brexit repaired than refunded

Imagine Brexit had a customer-service desk. What would you ask it to do?

Repair came first, but only just. At 27%, it was one percentage point ahead of a full refund. That is a near tie, rather than a decisive preference for either option.

Together, those two answers accounted for 53% of respondents. Another 13% wanted a replacement, while 12% would ask how to get more out of the existing arrangement.

The desk would receive some happier calls, too: 8% would send a compliment. A further 9% wouldn't need to contact it.

The customer-service language makes the results easy to picture, but it has limits. A refund isn't a measured vote to rejoin the EU, and a repair doesn't specify a policy. What the answers do show is how respondents chose to express their satisfaction or frustration when given something more flexible than a yes-or-no question.

The two promises Britain still wants checked

Every product has a description. We asked which Brexit claim people would most want to compare with what was delivered.

Public services and immigration led comfortably. Between them, they accounted for 54% of responses.

Business opportunities came next at 11%, followed by control over UK laws at 10%. Bureaucracy and trade opportunities outside the EU attracted smaller shares.

This tells us where respondents would direct their scrutiny. It doesn't establish which promises were kept or broken. Nor does a lower score mean people consider an issue unimportant: they were asked to pick just one claim to check.

Still, the priority is clear. Given the chance to inspect the paperwork, more than half would start with money for public services or control over immigration.

Asked to keep one thing, Britain picks freedom of movement

We then offered a hypothetical choice: keep one feature of EU membership, without changing anything else about the UK's current relationship with the EU.

The right to live and work across EU countries was the most popular choice, at 31%. Easier trade followed at 28%, while 15% chose the right to retire across the EU.

Taken together, the two mobility options accounted for 46% of responses. Add trade and 74% chose one of those three benefits. Participation in EU decision-making attracted 8%.

The answers put familiar possibilities near the top: taking a job abroad, retiring somewhere warmer, or making it easier to do business across borders.

They also sit alongside immigration control's high position in the previous question. Those findings can coexist, although we would need to cross-reference individual responses to know how often the same people selected both.

Meanwhile, 13% would keep none of the features offered. The exercise was hypothetical throughout; these aren't benefits the survey suggests can simply be selected from a menu in real negotiations.

57% have bitten their tongue about Brexit — most often with family

Brexit has provided plenty of material for arguments. It has also given people practice at changing the subject.

Respondents could choose more than one setting, so these percentages overlap. Overall, 57% said they had held back their opinion in at least one situation.

Family was the most common setting, at 31%, followed by friends at 24%. Nearly one in five had kept quiet at work, and one in ten had done so with a partner or someone they were dating.

Only 16% selected online. In this survey, people were more likely to report biting their tongue around the dinner table than on the internet.

That doesn't mean they were dishonest when answering the survey. Keeping the peace with a relative is a different situation from completing a questionnaire. It does, however, capture a familiar part of Brexit's afterlife: sometimes the easiest way to get through lunch is to ask whether anyone wants more potatoes.

What Britain wants from the politicians: a plan, not an apology

If the politicians responsible for delivering Brexit offered after-sales service, what would people want?

A practical plan came first, chosen by 28%. An honest account of what hadn't worked followed at 23%. Together, those answers made up 51% of responses.

An apology attracted 16%, putting it 12 points behind a plan. There was more demand for an explanation of what had worked, at 10%, than for recognition that Brexit had been the right decision, at 9%.

Another 10% wanted politicians to stop discussing it and focus elsewhere. That was a minority preference, though we shouldn't assume everyone who chose a different answer actively wants more Brexit debate.

The leading answer offers a fairly plain instruction: show us what you intend to do. For respondents who selected it, an improvement plan was more appealing than an apology or another declaration that the original decision was correct.

The small print Brexit should have come with

Finally, we asked respondents to choose a sentence for Brexit's missing small print.

The top three were separated by just two percentage points. Each expresses a different reservation: agreeing on the next steps, separating support from satisfaction, and expecting too much of one political decision.

The second option is particularly revealing. Almost a quarter chose a sentence that allows someone to support Brexit and be disappointed by its result. It doesn't tell us how those respondents voted, but it shows the appeal of that distinction.

And 9% chose the warning about family conversations continuing ten years later. Some small print is easier to recognise after the event.

What the review scale shows that the referendum question can't

The most useful part of this survey is the extra room it gives people to answer.

Someone can want a repair without asking for a refund. They can value the right to work abroad while wanting immigration promises examined. They can want a practical plan from politicians without putting an apology first.

The star ratings add a geographical view, with every published area score sitting between 1.5 and 3.0. They don't prove that Britain has stopped being divided. They do show that no area in this study produced a particularly enthusiastic average review.